Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
