The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
