I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Pappa wants mamma naked
where am i from again
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Fuck me I smell like cheese
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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