He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
