FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god it's open bar.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
