I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this hospital has no fireball
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
