Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
