Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
