Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
