i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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