I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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