Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
