i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you still have your period?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
