friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The air was thick with penises
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
