My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
