We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
