I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
