Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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