i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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