Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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