Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
