Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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