i just had sex bonerless
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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