dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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