Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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