"it" just moved
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my shit smells like andre
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
