Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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