Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
