I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
