Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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