this beer tastes like vomit already
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How external is "for external use only"?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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