My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
