Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think weed is turning my hair brown
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
