just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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