Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
