i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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