He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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