he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
