We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She announced her abortion via fbk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
