Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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