My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize