You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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