take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize