Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
