sarcasm needs its own font
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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