And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
