Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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