Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
