that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
