I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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