How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just found puke in my bra..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
