I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
