I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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