Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
