do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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