How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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