im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
