lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
