just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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