My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
