I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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