Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
