just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
did i walk over a car last night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
