Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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