I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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