I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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