I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
