fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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