Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
