guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize