I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
