non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
