Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
