I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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